After having a conversation about sex within relationships outside of marriage we came to the conclusion that many of our clients struggle is that of SEX. From the late 90’s to present day books, movies, and relationship advisers have given out lists of rules, such as “20 rules of dating”, “Don’t break the number one rule”, etcetera. All these rules have only brought more confusion than clarity. Why?? As the saying goes, “rules are made to be broken.”

We as a society have outlined rules for relationships in an effort to orchestrate an ideal unrealistic relationship. This has only caused pain, turmoil, and heartbreak for women and men. The truth of the matter is that individuals need standards not rules.

Adult men and women break rules on a daily basis, such as not going the speed limit (we are all guilty of this). When you’re an adult you think and feel that you have the right to do what you want with your life. Right? The problem is that without standards we really can’t live successful life, because too many areas will be lacking excellence. For example, from my personal perspective it is difficult for me to listen to a speaker on the topic of healthy living and eating, while they are overweight. Don’t misunderstand my point but seriously if some 300lb individual were trying to give you tips on how to have sexy abs you probably wouldn’t listen to them. The same is true for those who give out relationship advice. These advisers have given us rules because it’s to challenging to suggest standards because the adviser would be held accountable for their own standards.

Standards unlike rules help define who you are and what you believe to be best for you. For example, my standard is not to have sex before marriage. In turn, I have rules in place to keep me from lowering this standard. So my rules are no house visits alone (I don’t care how ‘mature’ we are), no heavy kissing, no caressing, and much more. The point is that my rules only help me uphold my standard not define it. Trust me ladies if you come with rules a guys number one objective is to get you to lower your standards by breaking your rules.

Call to Action: Make a list of three relationship standards and establish rules to assist you in upholding these standards.